I don’t know if I’ve ever slept so little in my entire life. Alec is on a no-sleep kick at night, and getting more than a two-or-three-hour stretch of sleep is about unheard of these days.

Maybe that’s why I was thinking of how life used to be. Long ago, longer ago, and not-so-long ago. I love looking back. I love memories. The past always looks more enchanted to me than it actually was, but in thinking of it today I realized that the days really do just get better and better. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for what I had then, not for the world.

I think of the long-long-ago days when all I remember is play . . . playing in the old barn at the Schneider house with Dora and Drew and Karina, with its long, twisted rope swing and perilous flooring and faint smell of owl droppings . . . playing down at the culvert at the same house with the same people, making dams and collecting algae and sailing homemade boats . . . making up a game (The Game) that would take us from those carefree, easy-to-remember-fondly days to darker teenage days.

And when I think of those darker days, even those have the bright spots . . . hours of listening to music or of wandering in the woods or of writing, writing, writing in my room on my bed. Back then, school filled my days, and when I was out of school for the day, the world was mine. A world of books and music and long walks. There will probably never be another time in my life quite like that, nor like the days that came before it.

You know though, when the things that replaced those days came along, I didn’t mourn the loss. Youth things started to pique my interest, and Drew and I made new friends and started hiking and biking and playing disc golf together. My time wasn’t nearly as much my own anymore with all the things to do with friends, but it didn’t matter. Those were absolutely wonderful days, full of exhilaration and excitement and fun.

But even with all the friends and all the fun, there was still a loneliness. I was getting older (obviously), and I started to want more than just the fun and the freedom. God sent Eric at just the right time. Our dating days were another transition, from a friend-and-fun-filled life to a quieter, simpler life of just the two of us. Those young married days were the best of all . . . too full and too lovely to try to relive here. I can’t help but look back on those days with wistfulness. We’ll never get them back. By the time it’s just the two of us again we’ll be old, tired people who can’t sleep at night anyway. 🙂

But even the beauty of those days could never replace what we have now: one charming little boy and another one on the way. I wouldn’t choose those days over these, ever. The days really do keep getting better.

These aren’t easy days. It gets tiresome to be needed so constantly. The nights are miserable when that little voice won’t stay quiet in his bed for more than an hour, sometimes even less. But I know someday I’ll miss these days. I know a part of me will wish to go back, even just for a moment. These are the days I’ll call beautiful.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is this: embrace today, and whatever it holds for you. God gave it, and His gifts are extraordinary, even on the hard days.