You know those pockets of time where you suddenly realize that all is right in your world and you are just . . . grateful? I'm having one of those right now.

Simon Khorolskiy blaring, Quickbooks open, boys playing happily, me typing away . . .

The only thing that could make it more right is if Eric were actually home on a Saturday, but it's not hard to forgive that when you get pictures like this of the work he's doing. Just look at those beautiful steps.

Eric poured the steps, and Alex built the wall, and they do all manner of other great work as well. Eric's Quality Building, if you're needing any work done. 🙂

I think today feels like more of a gift after coming through the rest of the week. It's been an especially heavy last few days. Alec started school on Wednesday, and to say I'd been dreading it would be an understatement. This is the boy who will hardly even go to kids' church for an hour by himself, and that is with people he knows and in a place he's been Sunday after Sunday.

How on earth were we ever going to get him to go without either of us to a strange place full of strangers for not just an hour or two but SEVEN hours a day?

September 6 came, and we were all up early, and there were so many tears. "Why do things have to change?" Alec wailed. "Why can't they stay the same?"

Oh, I hear you, buddy.

Eric had stayed home from work to take Alec to his first day of school, and it's good he did because I wouldn't have had the heart to leave my sobbing boy at that school and walk out the door.

But guess what? Alec has more of Eric in him than we even knew, because once Eric was gone, he got into line with the other children and proceeded to have one of the best days of his life. Eric's mom works at Alec's school, and she kept us updated throughout the day, and every single update was glowing.

Eric had prayed for "more than we ask or think," and that's definitely what God gave us. A little boy no longer scared but thrilled. An outgoing, excited, eager kindergartener who even after seven hours at school wasn't ready for it to end and was so excited to go back the next day. In fact, the next day when I dropped him off there was a little girl who was reluctant to go in, and her grandpa pointed out Alec confidently walking in and showed her that he was fine, and I just couldn't believe that the tables weren't turned. I had been so sure it was going to be the other way around, with us trying to convince our boy to go to school day after day.

But his tears didn't last beyond that first drop-off. Then it was his mom's turn to cry. Every single day, every time we dropped him off and came home to an emptier, quieter house. Who would've thought I'd miss having The Boxcar Children playing incessantly . . . I always put out two water cups for the boys, and the sight of only one of them being used was enough to bring tears. Seeing the silent iPad was enough to bring tears. Not continuously being asked for snacks was enough to bring tears.

Not only did Alec love school, but he was suddenly so confident and independent. Too confident and too independent, if I had anything to say about it. I didn't like it. He acted more superior to Sebastian than he ever had before, and he suddenly existed in a whole other world that we had almost no idea about. I didn't like it one bit.

But then he came home from school yesterday so tired, and he said maybe he should not go to school again. And then today when I was talking to him about how it was so nice he could enjoy both being at school and being at home, he said, "But my favorite is being at home."

That's my boy.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off, and I'm sure we'll find a new normal, but for now there's a lot of relief mixed in with sadness. I don't like change either, especially not change that takes my child away from me for longer than he's ever been before. That first day of school he was gone for almost nine hours, and he had literally never been away from me that long before, not even when I'd been having babies. I know that's how it is with children, that they grow and you have to let them go.

But seven hours a day at five years old? That seems a little excessive. It is what it is though, and my one consolation is how much Alec loves it. We are so very proud of him.

I'm awfully glad it's Saturday though, and that my boy is home.

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Alec's first day at school also happened to be my birthday. And I had to go to the dentist, which actually was kind of a blessing in disguise because it helped pass the time. But those two things made it feel like a not very nice birthday. At least Eric wasn't hurt though. When I turned thirty, he had a toothache so bad that he literally couldn't talk most of the time and would walk around with his hand on his jaw, and he had Covid. When I turned thirty-one, he had a backache so bad that he would come home from work and lie on the couch for the rest of the day (might I just point out that he had this backache for close to four months and never missed a day of work because of it -- not that I'm recommending such things, that's just pretty impressive).

Anyway, it was my birthday, and Eric wasn't hurting, and that hadn't happened in literally years, so that was a bright spot. 🙂 My sister Dora knew how hard it was on me to let Alec go to school, so she gave me a little goblet with seven gummy worms in it and told me to eat one for every hour Alec was gone until he came home. She is just the sweetest. She even gave me enough gummy worms to do it on the second day, too, and that day Sebastian and I split the worms every hour because he was missing Alec, too.

It being my birthday though, in order to help pass the time and to try to cheer myself up, I started working on a birthday cake for myself. A hobbit house birthday cake. I'd originally meant to make it for Alec's birthday, but he doesn't even know what hobbits are, and I had a better idea for his birthday anyway.

So I made it for myself and invited our families over to help us eat it. 🙂 Eric and I visited Hobbiton when we were in New Zealand back in 2017, and I set out a few of those pictures so everyone could see the real thing alongside my cake.

Hobbit house cake . . .

. . . vs. hobbit hole in Hobbiton. 🙂

I'd been dreaming up all the little details for months, and it was so fun to put it all together. The little mailbox was my favorite. 🙂

I also couldn't resist raiding my poetry archives for a poem that seemed very fitting, even though hermits and hobbits are not at all the same thing.

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The Life of a Hermit

Right here I sit, amongst all my friends,
And we all have our roads with their own little bends,
But mine shall begin where the rest of yours ends . . .
I want the life of a hermit.

If in ten years my bright face you would see,
Come to the place where the soul can run free;
Sit on my stoop, and I'll fix you some tea.
Mine is the life of a hermit.

Far up the mountain, with trees on all sides,
There in a meadow my small cottage hides;
Bright is the sunshine, and warmth here abides,
Here in the life of a hermit.

Three little hens, with a rooster so grand,
Make up the court in this quaint fairyland;
Ruling the cow with a masterful hand,
They ease the life of a hermit.

Clear water bubbles up out of the spring,
Making my garden yield wonderful things;
Here spirits soar like a bird on the wing,
Here in the life of a hermit.

Cross-legged comfort out in the green grass,
Pencil in hand, I will let the world pass;
Life lights the page as time runs from the glass . . .
Mine is the life of a hermit.

Smoke curls up from my chimney so stout;
Hoot owls and fireflies flutter about;
Peaceful serenity leaves me no doubt:
I love the life of a hermit.

One day I know I will lay down my pen
And find that it's time for my story to end;
Upward to glory my pathway will wend,
Leaving the life of a hermit.

Michayla Roth © 2013

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The only way I want to be a hermit now is if I can be one with Eric and our boys. That actually sounds pretty good for about 300 days out of the year. 🙂