Mommy Life

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I don’t know if I’ve ever slept so little in my entire life. Alec is on a no-sleep kick at night, and getting more than a two-or-three-hour stretch of sleep is about unheard of these days.

Maybe that’s why I was thinking of how life used to be. Long ago, longer ago, and not-so-long ago. I love looking back. I love memories. The past always looks more enchanted to me than it actually was, but in thinking of it today I realized that the days really do just get better and better. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for what I had then, not for the world.

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“He shall feed His flock like a shepherd; He shall gather the lambs in His arms and carry them in His bosom and shall gently lead those that are with young.”

My little boy hates going to bed. Almost since the day he was born, naptime has been an ever-changing scene of lullabies and rockings and swayings and shushings. Sometimes with all the lights on, sometimes with all the lights off. Sometimes when he’s only been up for an hour, sometimes when he’s been up for three. What worked last week doesn’t necessarily work this week.

These days he goes to sleep to the tune of “Jesus Loves Me” and “The Birds Upon the Treetops” while I pace the floor with him, and it’s almost like clockwork the way he fights it kicking and screaming and then suddenly is done and quietly sucks his binky till his eyelids fall shut. Then I sit in the rocker with him and feel the heavy breaths that move him in my arms and look down at his relaxed face and his little open mouth and think of how many more times I’ll have to do this . . . and how many more times I’ll wish I could. ...continue reading →

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He wakes up looking for his mommy. Sometimes with a wail, sometimes with a whimper, sometimes with a cry so loud he sounds pained or scared or both. But always looking for his mommy.

I hear him over the baby monitor, and I go running, and I throw the door open with a “Mommy’s here!”, and I see his little head bobbing around in his bed, up and looking for his mommy.

Today he wasn’t bobbing. He was crying and trying to find the binky that had fallen out of his mouth. He was crying, and I picked him up, and I put his binky in, and he closed his eyes and went back to sleep for as long as I would hold him. ...continue reading →